June 2012
5 posts
“I figured that was enough time for it to cool down, given that it’s been...”
“I like poop eggs.”
“A: Oh no, is it tragic spandex?
B: Is there any other kind?”
“A: I’m gonna call HR.
B: On yourself?”
“Did I just hear someone say noodle balls?”
May 2012
11 posts
“A: I only want the pink ones.
B: Don’t be racist.”
“A: They’re all young and thin and Asian.
B: They won’t be for long....”
“A: How was your trip?
B: Amazing. I rode a camel.
A: Where did you ride a...”
“I think it’d be really funny to watch a monkey eat a gummi bear.”
“A: What happened to your arm?
B: It was a yard ape.”
“A: Do you know which button I should use for that?
B: I think it’s the...”
“I believe it was Mozart who said, ‘You can’t go wrong with a hot...”
“It’s a toupee. It has to be. Hair does not do what his hair did.”
“A: The ball’s in their court.
B: Why not badminton? The...”
“You need to cherish the mermen, damnit.”
“A: Will it multiply if you keep rubbing it together hard enough?
B: Isn’t...”
April 2012
28 posts
“A: He needs a mini eyeball kiwi wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
B: That skill is not...”
“She and I met and decided to be exclusive the same week herpes was on the cover...”
“It’s not officially Friday until someone’s being culturally...”
“A: This is where you can ride the monorail through downtown.
B: Detroit has a...”
“If you’re running without pearls, are you really running?”
“A: Scissor skills are important.
B: Yeah, you never know when you might have to...”
“A: I was not fit for human consumption this morning.
B: But, really, did you...”
“A: His name is Wickliffe.
B: It’s like Wyclef for white people.”
“I never thought we were compatible personality friends.”
“A: Then you’ve got more to work with than that field of leather.
B: Field...”
“A: It’s eyes followed me around the room.
B: That’s the sign of...”
“Don’t be knockin’ the bucket.”
“That’s my hole!”
“She was pretty. Dark haired. Semi-Latin looking, semi-not.”
“That wasn’t angry; that was Popeye.”
“You can’t eat poetry.”
“A: Hey, who wants to split a pickle bucket with B? C, do you want to split his...”
“A: A booger is dry; snot is wet.
B: Well then what’s a goober?
A: A wet...”
“A: The client wants to make the logo smaller.
B: Is this the end of days?”
“I wanna show my new mom my pencil.”
“Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about aliens before lunch.”
“A: Ooooh. What are those?
B: Foil samples.
A: Oh, I thought they were Pac-Men....”
“He’s a man of many hats wearing.”
“A: I got skills.
B: Are they mad?”
“I like to do that sometimes … walk behind people and bark.”
“I don’t have a speech impediment; my hands do.”
“A: This project is a total CF.
B: Cute Face!
C: Cheeky Ferret!”
“I just found a piece of lettuce covered in mayonnaise under my keyboard.”
March 2012
34 posts
“Did we just start a new game show? (Announcer voice) Welcome to ‘Is It...”
“A: What does green icing taste like?
B: Irish people.”
“Why do little people have conventions in Orlando? They’re not tall enough...”
“In case anyone wants Jimmy John’s, I found cash in my pants.”
“Step five is always ‘take over the world.’”
“I’ll take no part in your racist sign language.”